How do you get through a divorce with a narcissist?

On Behalf of | Oct 2, 2020 | Divorce

You definitely have had enough with your marriage, but you’d like your divorce to be peaceful. After all, it’s clear that you and your spouse simply can’t get along. Since neither of you is happy, a divorce could be a blessing for you both.

If your spouse is a narcissist, however, don’t expect them to take the same view. Narcissists cannot abide by rejection, and they tend to take a “scorched earth” approach to any kind of situation where they can’t have their way.

How do you get through a divorce like this? Here are some tips from psychologists:

  • Accept the fact that you can’t reason with them. They have no desire to negotiate. Mediation will be useless. Empathy isn’t their strong suit, and you cannot get them to focus on anything beyond themselves — not even the kids.
  • Recognize the power plays. You can count on them to try to charm the judge, file needless amounts of paperwork to slow things down and make baseless accusations.
  • Understand their real goal. Forget what they say they want. Everything they do is about power and control, so giving in to a demand won’t make them go away or behave any better. Instead, it will just give room for a whole new crop of demands.
  • Be patient. This is not going to be quick, and you more than likely will end up in court before the whole thing is over. A narcissist would rather let a judge make all the decisions than sacrifice one inch of ground toward a compromise.

Despite all of these problems, your situation isn’t hopeless. Rely on your attorney, and let them be a buffer between you and your spouse. Eventually, your divorce will be over, and you’ll finally be free to pursue a better future.


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