You and your spouse aren’t fighting. There are no obvious signs of an affair or midlife crisis. However, you have the creeping suspicion that all is not well in your marriage.
When you try to talk to your spouse about how they’re feeling, they deny that anything is wrong, but you’re not so sure that they’re leveling with you. Maybe they haven’t even admitted the problem to themselves.
A relationship doesn’t have to be antagonistic to be in trouble
Arguing, criticism, stonewalling and contempt have been called the “Four Horsemen” that herald the end of a marriage, but they’re not the only signs of problems.
How do you know if your spouse has one foot out of the door (consciously or not)? Here are some major clues:
- Your spouse clearly isn’t concerned about your well-being. When you talk about your emotions or problems outside the home, you get a minimal or dismissive response. There’s a clear emotional gap between you.
- Your spouse seems to be avoiding you. You each have your own interests, but it doesn’t seem like you have anything in common. When you try for a little togetherness, your spouse has other plans.
- Your values seem to have gotten further apart. You used to be politically, religiously and ethically aligned, but one of you has changed course – and the other hasn’t. When you do discuss these things, the conversations get tense or outright ugly.
- Your spouse no longer cares where you’re going. They wave you off when you decide to head out with friends and no longer asks for the little things – a text message when you got there and when you were leaving, for example – that indicated they worried about you.
- The intimacy is just missing from your marriage. There’s no physical reason why you’re no longer sexually active, but you may as well be roomies these days, not married.
If these problems sound familiar, it may be time to look at your divorce options. While you may still work things out, it’s always best to be prepared.