Parents who share custody generally have to make certain compromises with one another. They have to give up some of their time with the children. They often need to cooperate when making major decisions about educational or medical matters.
Ideally, parents work cooperatively to prioritize the best interests of their children. In some specific scenarios, parents may let their own feelings outweigh what their children need. Being emotional about shared custody around the holidays is a common experience. Parents often don’t want to be separated from their children.
Proper planning can help parents navigate holidays and other special events more gracefully when they share custody. What types of planning may be beneficial?
1. Establish a realistic schedule
There are numerous ways for parents to divide their time with the children around the holidays. They can split the holidays in half so the children spend part of the day with each parent. They can also choose to alternate holidays.
Parents may agree to share celebrations in some cases. Setting a schedule that prioritizes the children’s best interests and honestly reflects the dynamic between the parents can help set a family up for success.
2. Coordinate gifts and parties
Few things are more disappointing than getting the same gift from both parents for Christmas. Parents sometimes end up competing with one another when it comes to gift buying or even duplicating presents for their children. If parents talk with one another in advance, they can pool their resources to afford better presents or at least avoid getting the children the same gift.
Any parties or get-togethers that parents intend to attend with their children may require coordination as well. Otherwise, there could be scheduling conflicts that cause disputes and prevent people from upholding their plans.
3. Respect old traditions, and start new ones
How people celebrate is often a reflection of their personal values and priorities. Children may treasure certain holiday traditions. Parents can coordinate to continue getting the children together with their grandparents or participating in neighborhood caroling.
In addition to identifying the existing traditions that the parents can continue despite sharing custody, they may want to look into starting new traditions with their children. This way, they have something fresh to bond over and can create new memories in addition to reinforcing previous, positive memories.
Addressing holidays when negotiating child custody arrangements can be beneficial for the entire family. Parents who plan effectively can help eliminate sources of conflict and ensure their children have a more enjoyable holiday season.
