Parents raising their children together despite living separately have to share information. They need to communicate when scheduling adjustments are necessary. They also need to share details about developments in their children’s lives.
Communication creates opportunities for conflict, which can be stressful for everyone in the family. The three rules below can help facilitate calm and effective co-parenting communication.
1. Use written communication systems
Face-to-face conversations and phone calls can lead to emotional outbursts and arguments. Written conversations promote a calmer dynamic because there is a record of everything said. Parents may even want to use a specialized co-parenting app, as their communications could then serve as evidence if they must eventually go back to court.
2. Embrace the 12-hour rule
Sometimes, communication from a co-parent can trigger an emotional reaction. When people recognize that their anger or grief has influenced their thinking, they can save a message as a draft and wait to send it. Waiting until the evening to respond to a frustrating conversation from the morning or sleeping before responding can help people evaluate the conversation more rationally and limit their emotional responses.
3. Don’t discuss personal matters
Especially in the early months after a separation or divorce, conversations about the parents, their careers or their new relationships can spiral into major conflicts. The best way to avoid emotional disputes is to keep all communication fully focused on the children and to avoid discussing personal matters with one another.
Parents who have systems in place for effective co-parenting communication can learn to work together and may even eventually improve their dynamic. Structuring communication when sharing child custody can drastically reduce conflict levels and stress for the entire family.
